Back.... again...

Have been ignoring this site for ages. The numerous drafts lying around remind me of all those false starts which never got completed. Thoughts that just came up and went away as I was distracted by something else. A lots been happening of late. Of late, I've been bitten by the rails bug. Looking at some of the websites on the Internet really makes me itch to produce something nice. And believe me, its not very hard. Ruby is pretty easy to learn and rails makes it really easy for someone to start. UI Frameworks like Twitter Bootstrap are pretty inviting too. Hopefully, I can spend a weekend hacking over this. Anyways, check out maranellored.smugmug.com for some photos that I've shot recently. More updates as I start spending more time here.

An update from the burgh.

Everytime I open this page and set about typing, something turns up or I lose heart all of a sudden. I've never been a frequent blogger but then I did blog atleast twice a month at my peak. But, I hardly blog, once a year now.
Then, I realise that I'm actually paying for the domain, so why not make use of it. The thought of losing 10$ a year seems daunting at first but then heck, its only 10 bucks. Forget it. Thats how I end up losing motivation to put something out.
I have no idea if this post is gonna make it, and if it does, when is it gonna make it.

Well, I figure I might as well post once in a while and if its some random stuff, who cares. Maybe, I can look back after a couple of years and remind myself of how bored and jobless I got at CMU. I got back onto facebook after deactivating my profile for quite sometime. What made me go back? What made me deactivate the account at first?
The site was pretty addictive and I figured it was eating up a bit of my time, especially when I sat and browsed through random profiles just for the heck of it. But, then one really cant stay away from it. A couple of contacts I needed were nowhere to be found except on my facebook list, so I had no option but to get back. I guess I'll be staying there now but I'm gonna tone down on visiting it.

In other news, I've accepted my offer from Amazon. Will move to Seattle once I graduate and hopefully, I'm gonna have as much fun as I did during the internship. That basically puts paid to my plans of jet setting around the country for interviews. I was hoping to interview with companies just for the sake of seeing new places, but I guess its not really worth being so desperate. I hardly have any courses this sem, that make me sweat, and a couple of free trips out to the west coast would have been cool but then that was effectively going to be unfair to a lot of others who do not have an offer. So, here I am taking the moral high ground and staying away.

I did travel around a bit though. I did one interview in Portland, OR with Intel. It was a fun trip, especially since I've got an uncle down there. I used it more as an opportunity to visit him than to actually interview. Mean me :P
And then I did travel to San Francisco and the Bay area. Nice place. Went hiking up a hill near my uncle's place in Fremont and visited the usual San Francisco touristy spots. It was a nice trip. Met them after a long time and it was fun, especially the drive along the Pacific Coast on CA-1.

Oh yeah, I ended up getting my driver's licence here in Pennsylvania finally. Started out to get it as soon as I got here in August, 2009 but took me nearly a year and a half to get one. Boy, am I relieved. The test was easy and anyone who's driven around a bit previously ought to pass with a little caution with respect to the rule book.

Have been hacking the android kernel a bit for a class project and am beginning to fall in love with Linux all over again. Have been trying to get to grips with the memory management subsystem but haven't really succeeded. Will have to devote some more time to it. As I understood Linux and its many flavors, I've just gotten a Nokia N900. The only reason I've bought it and not one of the Android based HTC phones is because it lets me triple boot with Android, meego and maemo :D How much more cool can you get? Well I can also overclock the ARM A8 Cortex proccy upto 1 Ghz from the stock 600 Mhz. Thats way more cooler :D But it just adds to the glamor of owning a tech gadget.

Sleep cycle all messed up. Sleep at 3 PM in the afternoon and wake up at 10PM. what a life? And that reminds, I have to finish some of the stuff for the lab, that I've been stuck with for a day now.
Until next time, signing off.....

I know what i did this summer!

Been sometime since my last post.

Its been a wild ride and a fun filled last few months. Life's looking up too!
Chuck New York. Spent the summer in Seattle. Had a great time. Especially with family close by in Portland, OR. And an awesome bunch of friends who were ready to share the craziness with me.

Finally, earned some money of my own and managed to buy myself a long desired DSLR. A Nikon D90. Spent quite a hefty sum on it but then its something that I've been looking to get for almost 5 years now. Love the camera :D

Spent a lot of time clicking away to glory with her. Work was good. Did procrastinate a bit but ended up finishing it in time. Actually took much more time to finish it than originally planned, but then no one really complained :P.
The weekends were the fun part. Explored quite a few places around Seattle, and enjoyed the sunshine which was a much welcomed relief from the cold and damp Pittsburgh weather.

Also, went out bungee jumping and skydiving. Jumping off an airplane is so much fun. Envy all those guys who get to do it day in and day out. But then jumping out at the same location over and over again, might get boring. Also, learnt swimming in Seattle!! Then, went kayaking and ended up in the water too :P. Extremely embarrasing experience but then it was fun taking a dip in Lake Washington :) Went Canoeing too, but that wasnt as much fun as taking a dip in Lake Washington :P

Spent some time tasting some weird creatures that I never knew existed! Squids, Octopuses-name it and I've tasted them all :) I liked the squid. Great taste!

And yes, if anyone's interested - http://maranellored.smugmug.com. Check that out!

The green and the rain

Its a beautiful evening out there.
Pittsburgh in the rain is quite a sight. Especially in the spring, when you see the empty blank trees turning green and the last patches of snow melting away. They say you can never know what the weather is like in this city. One moment it rains, and the next its sunny. But its the rain that brings out a special charm in this place.

I have always loved the rain. I've enjoyed stepping out and getting wet completely. It is something that brings out the child in me and makes me feel super happy and excited. If I feel down, I'd go step out in the rain and voila, it seems to wash away all my troubles and sorrows. I have a special relationship with the rain and I love it.

Coming back, today as I walk around these quiet neighbourhoods, the slight drizzle and the chilly winds seem to make it the perfect evening. Lazing around in bed for almost the whole day with a horrible headache, this was something that I really needed. The sight of lush green grass, ancient buildings with lawns, a couple of huge great danes and hardly any motor vehicles at all, seem to be the perfect recipe for my recurring boredom. This city is beautiful and as they say 'Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder'. As I walk and appreciate the sights of this place, I'm lost in the wilderness of the trail.
Familiar thoughts seem to be coming back. Another month, and I'll be away in the bustling environs of New York city. 3 months there and I really have no clue how thats gonna turn out to be. In a way, I'm dreading it, as I've always dreaded change. But then I know it has to be done and 3 months there is gonna make me a much different person than I am. But the thought I dread the most is, the scores of people I'm going to be surrounded by. Last week, I spent an hour walking around Manhatten and the sheer numbers of people seem to overwhelm me. I know I'm gonna long for these quiet, serene surroundings. On any given day, I'd take these to the concrete skyscraper world of Manhatten.

Loads of work to do but really have no inclination for it. Just want to sit here and watch the time fly by. Hoping for more moments like this.

Words...

Those words dont mean anything.
When those words dont translate to actions.
With those words, you could promise the world
The very words, which you could crash my whole world.

Meaningless words, uttered for someones temporary comfort,
meaningful words uttered at the expense of someone's emotions.

Friends we are, your words say
but enemies we are, speak your actions
Farther than distance could actually separate us
Why do I wanna believe your words.

Ignorance is bliss, but at the other end,
its no more than hell. Hell revisited.

There's more to friendship than just taking. Expectations are natural but reciprocation is even more important.

Rambling.....

Following the heart...

Its 5AM in the morning. I had slept for 6 hours and I cant sleep anymore.
For the first time in more than a month, I find myself a little less loaded. Nothing much to do. Can afford to relax for a day. Take it easy. But then, before I know, I'm gonna be mired up in that mess to meet deadlines and getting the right work done.

Its a crazy life out here.
I finished registering courses for the next sem. As I sit and ponder, about the courses, I wonder. Am i here just because this degree is gonna make my resume look flashier and gimme a high paying job that'd probably require me to work 20 hours a day? Is that what I really want?

I remember making lofty statements in my applications about how I wanted to do this and that, but then I realise I'm doing the complete opposite of what I wrote about in my application. I have to follow the herd in a way, because the job is important to me. I need a job here. No two minds about it, but am I really going to enjoy it?
I have no idea. But something tells me, I might not.
I wanna do stuff that I feel comfortable doing but then there is this strong fear of not being able to land a job. Thats a strong driving factor in my choice of courses for the next semester.

I wanna follow the heart but the mind is a pretty strong influence too. I'm probably being ruled by the mind at the moment, but then am I gonna end up regretting my choice? I have no idea. Probably the idea is about finding the right balance. The first semester here is an eye opener. It did show me, how bad I am at stuff that I thought I was good at. I realise I have to unlearn stuff and start from scratch. That is the toughest part. Unlearning is very difficult. There is always a little left that is going to trouble you.
I hope at the end of this sem, which is 3 weeks away, I would be able to unlearn and relearn it all.

Waiting to complete this semester. Waiting to get back home.
Waiting for a lot of things.

As I write this, I just received a mail from I dunno who, supposedly an old classmate who I dont remember at all. He's planning on applying and is asking for suggestions. What do I tell him ? Come here and get lost in the multitude of dreamy eyed students, or come down here and make your own mark. How do I tell him that?
I'm not even sure, if I should be replying to his mail. I dont even know if I'm worthy of making suggestions to him. Do I ignore the mail? I dont know what to do. I'm lost.

Follow the heart, not the mind...

Those were the days..

Those were the days.
The days when I woke up at 8:30 in the morning and waited for harsha to come pick me up.
The days when, we ended up at college at 10:30.
The days when, we used to run around, hiding from the princi.
The days when we walked into class at random.
The days when we begged and pleaded for attendance.

Those were the days...
The days when we came up with fancy excuses to bunk class.
The days when we tried to forge signatures to get out of college.
The days when we enjoyed the grand lunches at the placement office.
The days when we won those basketball matches.

Those were the days...
How i miss those days! The days when we tried all kinda fancy gimmicks. The days when we ran around for Carpe Diem. The days when we lost all that money. The days when we shot that movie. The days when we worked night and day for the VLSI conference.
Those were the days...

The days when we sat studying together late at nights.
The days when I had to go back home in the chilly night.
Those were the days....

How I wish they were back! How i wish we could do it all over again. How I wish, we were never separated.
But life moves on.
Just reminiscing...

Thanks for the great times guys.

Home..

Its been a long time since i wrote here.
A lot has happened since i bought that domain name. With lofty dreams, i came here hoping to fulfill them.
And now as time moves on, they are on the verge of being shattered. Flew across 8000 miles, almost 18 countries, 3 continents, one big ocean and now what. To have them all being blown to smithereens, as I watch.Its not been easy.
For the first time, I come out from home. Away from the shell that surrounded me and protected me from the big bad world. Here I am, out in the open, vulnerable to all the challenges and the perils out there in the open. And its not a nice feeling, I tell you. Every time, I have a couple of hours to waste, my thoughts invariable drift back to college days and the stuff that I enjoyed doing so much. Its all coming back and makes me feel horrible. I wanna go back. But then once engrossed in work, I hardly seem to notice it.

Today, as I write this, I have an exam lined up for this week and a bunch of assignments and an horrible lab. The workload is sometimes unbearable. They always spoke of the light at the end of the tunnel, but funnily, I dont seem to be able to find it. Its a long way away and they tell me, I'm gonna enjoy it once this is over, but why cant I enjoy it while I'm doing it?

I wanna go back home. Back to my shell, where no one cared of what I did, or how I did it.
I wanna go back home now.

Domain name!

Its been a long time since i've posted here.
A lot has happened since then. I'm now almost outta college. And I guess I'll be off to the US just like those millions of guys who keep running away.

But yesterday, i found a coupon for www.godaddy.com
It let me buy my own .com domain for $0.99. Kewl! aint it! Anywayz, including the extra ICANN registration fee, it cost me Rs.60.41 Pretty cheap i say!
The coupon is valid on most top level domains. Heres the coupon for the interested souls

99BUYCOM

And yeah, my blog can now be accessed from www.maranellored.com
This purchase also means that now I've gotta start posting regularly and try to manage my blog more effectively.It'll prolly be revamped completely once i find the time :D

Thats all folks!

The 49-O Rule

Ever walked into a polling booth and looked at the list of candidates and felt, "Oh crap. All these morons suck" ?

Ha, I did feel that way last time. I'm sure many of you do feel that way many a time. Did you know you can choose not to vote ?

There has always been an option for the voter to reject the candidates. If ever you feel none of the candidates in the election are worthy of your vote, you can choose to cast a Null Vote.

This is provided under the 49-O Rule of the Electoral Commission.
This makes sure that your vote is registered and also conveys to the Electoral Officials, that the guys are completely unworthy of the cause. This also prevents voter fraud and misuse.

The sad part is, this rule has always existed since 1960 but no one is ever educated about it. It was by pure co incidence that I came across it. Its time we make people aware of this.
Heres the wiki link 49-O Wiki

Imagine if we all exercise this option, next time.

I for sure am gonna exercise it, come next election time. What about you ?

Politician or terrorist.....

Mr. Raj Thackeray, where the heck were your so-called loyal workers when Mumbai was being held hostage?

Do you realise Mr. Thackeray, Mumbai was saved by your so called enemies- the Non Maharashtrians ?
Do you realise that your so-called MNS wimps were nowhere to be seen ?
Do you realise that Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan, NSG guard Gajendra Singh who laid down their lives for the sake of 'your' city were non Maharashtrians ?
Do you realise that its Non Maharashtrians who have lost more than you could ever lose in your entire lifetime, for the sake of protecting Maharashtra ?
Do you realise that Mr. Karambir Kang, a non Maharashtrian is still working with the burden of losing his family in his heart ?

Mr. Thackeray, you are a hardcore politician. You know bloody well, no one is ever gonna believe you again. What the fuck were you doing at the funeral of Officer Hemant Karkare ?
I wonder whatever happened to your stance of a couple of days ago, when you categorically alleged that Officer Karkare was an anti-national element.
Why are you attending the funeral of an anti-national element ?

The answer Mr. Thackeray is that, you were wrong. You were always wrong. Every single time, when you led the agitations against the non-Maharashtrians, when you beat the railway board examinees black and blue, every single time you flashed a grin while walking out of a police station, every single time you spoke about anti-national forces, you were always wrong.

Its hard for you to admit it, but you should realise that it takes balls to admit one's mistakes. Its amply evident that you are nothing but bullshit. You are sick, and you make me puke at the very sight of you.

Its such a shame that I'm supposed to call you, my countryman. I'm sorry, but I really dont see a difference between you and those terrorists who attacked Mumbai.
You are the political terrorist. You are the scum of this nation. You ought to be flogged and fed to the sharks.

I hope you and your ilk are kicked out of the country. You are a disgrace.

Mr. Prime 'Wimp' Minister

It is such a travesty that we are stuck with a wimp of a Prime Minister to lead us. With such an uninspiring and soporific speech, dude, who do you think will ever listen to you ? You think you can lead a country of a billion and many more people ?
I'm sorry Mr. Prime Minister, but you suck. When will you learn to call a spade a spade ? Its high time you've stepped out of the cosy comforts of your home, surrounded by tens of the most highly trained commandos in the country. Its time you have admitted that you have failed us.

You have failed each and every victim.
You have failed the numerous tourists who chose to spend a holiday in the nation of a million dreams.
You have failed those people who are anxiously waiting for news about their loved ones.
You have failed all those people who unfortunately chose to dine at a fancy plush restaurant one night.
You have failed the brave and fearless police officers who've laid their lives saving innocent civilians.
You have failed Hemant Karkare, Vijay Saluskar, Ashok Kamte, Major Unnikrishnan and the tens of other brave officers.

Mr. Advani, the leader of the opposition. What the hell do you think you were doing ?
Walking into the scene of action accompanied by a battalion of bodyguards, and interrupting the forces handling the terror scene, do you think you were reassuring ?
Far from it, all you've managed to do is distract the forces.
Why should we pay thousands of rupees to protect you ?
What makes you or the Prime Minister different from the common man on the street ?
What is it that is different about you from me that you deserve the so Z-category security ?
Why do you need those guys risking their lives for your sake ?

I have questions and the answers are sadly absent. Questions that boggle the mind of every Indian who is glued to the television set. Questions that haunt the thousands who've lost a brother, a sister, a son or a wife, or a parent to the crazy mayhem.

Scary that a couple of guys not much older than me can actually bring the whole country down on its knees. Its time we revamped the whole system. I'm sure I would have been happier if each and everyone of our politicians were actually shot instead of the innocent civilians.

Mr. Prime Minister, why dont you do me and a million heads a favor ? Just resign and please stop meddling with the operations of the nation's forces.They've done more for us in the past 48 hours than you morons could ever do in an entire lifetime. Please, please, please Shut up and never show us your face again.

The Mumbai Tragedy.

Terrible, Terrible Situation - Amitabh Bachchan

Enough has been said and the events that have unfolded over the past 48 hours have been described in vivid detail by the numerous news channels. Condolences pouring in from different corners of the world.

News coverages have been littered with faces of tearful friends and family members, relieved hostages who have been rescued, the masked faces of the hundreds of the Marine and the NSG Commandos... The sight has been overwhelming. It still is.

Everytime i switch on the news channels, I am confronted with conflicting reports on the many channels. One tells me Nariman House is cleared and another quotes the NSG head saying the place is still being swept. Why cant everyone give us consistent information. Why create havoc ? Why create false hopes ?

Where is the Home Minister?
Why cant I hear a word of assurance from those sitting in the upper echelons of power ?
Why cant I sleep without any fear of it happening again in my city ?
Why cant you tell me, its over ?
Where is everyone when we need you the most ?

You call yourself leaders, and you are the first one to cower down. The bloody cowards who hardly care about anything else once you have your way. Selfish leeches. I wonder what happens to those grandiose speeches and promise the heavens to the commoners during the times of elections. Have you suddenly lost your tongues ? Have you lost your loquaciousness ?

The disheartening part is that each and every one of you who dons the Neta cap is equally bad. I have lost hope in you. I dont think i can ever trust you with my safety. You guys suck.
Its time you've come out of your hiding. Cowards.

Fuck up..

Why does it have to be me ?
Everytime i start out to do something, i end up inevitably screwing it. Why am i the one subjected to this mega mess up torture?

People trust me to do something and i inevitably end up letting them down. No matter what, its one of the worst feelings to sit and brood over a major screw up. Every time i wanted to do something good for her, i end up screwing it. She is understanding and highly supportive of what i do, but it hurts at the bottom. Somewhere something tells me, you suck.

But then there have been better times. Times spent in joy are easily forgotten but the bad ones linger around for more longer than can be deemed within the bounds of comfort. The uneasiness when u face someone u messed up for and the accompanying guilt is something that will never leave me. No matter how nice the she can be, no matter what she does to make u feel comfortable, somewhere down there i have this feeling that she deserves better.

Someone said keeping your head while everyone else around u is losing it, is something one should strive to achieve, but then what if u cant ? what if the impulse to follow the masses is so strong that u cannot resist it ? what if the urge to do it overshadows everything else in ur head at that moment ?
I know every single time, it was me who fucked up. There was always the better way to go about it but i never bothered to take the pains to find out and she never cared. But this time i knw it pricks everywhere and it was the worst thing i could ever have done, but sadly some part of me says it was something i couldnt help. Well i dunno if i could have done it all differently but its my fault. The worst part is shes accomodating about it and u knw that u are allowed to get away with it. Thats the part that makes this experience even more horrendous.

I apologize to everyone concerned. Its something thats been weighing on me throughout the evening, and yeah the apologies may not correct what has happened but i sure as hell would wanna tell them i am genuinely sorry.

Bus ride !

Its 7:15 in the morning and i am scurrying down the stairs. The exigency of the situation entails that i make it to the bus-stop in another 15 seconds. The bus cannot be missed. School starts at 7:30 and its a 15 min ride in the bus from home to school. Thus with only, Rs.10 in the pocket, this is a do or die situation. Forget formalities, i jump across the wall and rush to the end of the lane to see the bus just arriving at the bus stop. I stare for a couple of seconds and then realization dawns, and i sprint across to the bus-stop. With curious onlookers, i have only one destination in mind at the moment, the back door of that bus. And as i put on a burst of speed trying to reach the bus in time, it starts moving, accelerating slowly and then gathering speed as it moves.but as luck would have it, an auto,the blessed soul, wheels right into its path, and the bus screeches to a halt. That's enough time for me, as i scamper up the stairs of the bus. Panting and out of wind like a dog sticking his tongue out, i give the conductor the weirdest smile i could ever muster and tell her, "Pass" and pull out a weird looking piece of paper that's been through a million incinerators but is still together due to some weird attractive forces of nature. Shes puzzled and scrutinizes it delicately albeit thoroughly. With a stupefied look on her face and an incessant muttering about how these kids never learn, she reluctantly hands back the pass to me and allows me to travel in the bus. The look on her face tells me, "Next time, I'll catch u, buster!"

Again its 1:45 in the afternoon and the schools finished for the day. Its going-home-time! A bunch of us take the walk to the famous bus station near school. At 2:00 everyday, there is a direct bus to my place. So we hurry up. Its 1:57 by the time we reach the bus station and we look around. There are a couple of buses waiting to leave. Ah ! We did make it in time after all. Phew.
Being the lazy bums we are, we stand at the exit of the bus station hoping to get into the bus, ala Cheetah style or 'running bus' as its called here. As the buses start, i realize its not the one I want. Oh shit ! my bus has left ! Crap, why was i late again. Cursing myself and feeling the pit of my stomach fall down a ravenous cliff, I start to walk back to the bus-stand. As I'm halfway down I hear a couple of mates shouting. My bus,the one i wanted to get into,was actually hidden behind the trees! It hadn't left after all without its most valuable asset ;) Its a 100m walk to the exit and before I know the bus is already there, and I again start sprinting towards it. This time, i have my classmates to egg me on as the bus starts moving and unfortunately no auto guy wants to help me out this time :( So as I run harder, I can barely reach the handle inside the rear door of the bus, and then my friend offers his hand to me, but no, i grab the handle in a perilous move, which could have led to disastrous consequences but luckily doesn't, and I heave myself aboard the bus. Phew ! What an effort !!

That was the daily routine of my life in high school. Travelling to school was fun. Getting into buses carrying those loaded backpacks and running behind them. Trying to get into the bus acrobatically and getting off with an equally elaborate stunt are memories that will remain etched forever.

And thinking thus, i boarded an RTC bus after a looooong time today. The sights and sounds of it are inimitable. Last time i boarded one was waaay back, maybe 2 years ago. Nothing has changed. The seats are the same, the noises,the tickets, the costs, the jostling and shoving for seats-not a single thing has changed. The drivers of the 'Metro Express' buses are as arrogant as ever and dont bother stopping near my house. Incidents where my pleas have fallen on deaf ears are still fresh in memory. I always thought these drivers to be heartless and today nothing has changed this ( they are highly sexist though. all it takes is a female to request them and the brakes are automatically depressed as a reflex action. Wonder who makes vehicles like that )

Thus with that in mind, i climb into a bus and make sure i get a seat. Theres one seat left in the mens section and i am lucky to beat this ruffian to it. He glares at me and if eyes could shoot, then his eyes would have blown me to smithereens. Then starts off the rickety old ride which is more tickety than rickety. The next stop i see this old man with a walking stick climb into the bus and search for a seat but alas theres none. And me being selfish, sit there waiting for someone to be the good samaritan. But morons, none ever bothers, they are all immersed in their own world of comfort inside the bus and none wants to sacrifice his place. So reluctantly, i give up my place to this person and the look on his face told me, i did the right thing :) His thank you interlaced with the toothless smile made my day ! He sat down while i stood all the way to my stop.
As i got off and walked to my destination, i was left with this joyous feeling of accomplishing something remarkable.

And then the clouds opened up, and as i find my car in the garage, the trip is forgotten.

ps. Now playing.... Ronan Keating :)

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
theres a truth in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

Playing in my head...

Flying without wings- Westlife

Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you found that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
'Cause who's to know
Which one you let go
Would have made you complete

Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place
It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine

And it's like flying without wings
'Cause you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

yay!
i voted today !!!

Change....

Change
How does one define change ?
Is it something that happens gradually over time without you ever noticing it or can it be brought about by deliberately forcing yourself to ?
Is it really necessary in the scheme of things that define life ?
What if one never changed at all ? Would that even be possible ?

Well when someone says, u aren't receptive to change, well then i guess thats time to get your introspection shoes on. Someone did tell me that and that got me into denial mode. I was arguing that i can be as open to change as anyone on the planet. But then, am i really putting my money where my mouth is?

When i think about it, there are a million times when i didn't want change. I hated change. There were times when my neighbors changed, i hated it. I always preferred the previous ones even if they were the most hideous and devilish people, i ever knew. But then as time passes on, every things forgotten and its all pally.
Last time, i hated leaving school because i was scared of the change where i might meet new people, unknown ones. The fear of the unknown is something that i am riddled with, every time there is a need for change

I hate it when i have new teachers teaching me at the beginning of a semester. I guess i've always found comfort in things i know and am used to. Is that bad ?
Is it bad because i prefer the same thing over and over again ?
Well, honestly i dunno. I never thought its a big deal, but once when i look into it deeply i guess it does matter a lot.
Does that mean, my psyche is flawed ? or is something fundamentally wrong with me ?
Why am i so scared of it ? Why do i have to hide myself under a veil ? Why do i have to take pleasures in false securities ?
Those are questions to which, i would love answers to. But then something that u really want is always the hardest to get.

Maybe a reason for this is fact that i was never exposed to change throughout the early part of life. I studied in the same school for 13 years, then i had the same friends for over 10 years etc. I have always lived at the same place, then i have always done the same things, i have always had the same room and yeah i have always had the same parents :P
Is that something that defined my fear of change ?

There was one post of mine, where i did point out something about someone telling me how much I've changed etc. Then i did realize that i am quite different from what i was in my first year. I still hate those shoes i put on in my first year. I acted nerdy and geeky and shitty. I can still see the look on the faces of those production guys when they realize that i am a completely different person today then what i was then. Gosh! How i would hate being there again. It surely had to be one of the lows.
But then people who know me from then are appalled. Two hoots! I'd say.

I have always been the carefree one. Never gave a shit about anything and i know i never will. But then sometimes the sudden urge to do something is irresistible. It does scare me that even the small things can profoundly impact my attitude. But then I know tomorrow morning, I'll be all normal and would be laughing at this reaction of mine to that statement. Maybe that is what is wrong with me. I'd never take someone seriously enough till it ends with a monkey on my back.

Thats me.

The Bubbles' Ad-venture

It was 3:40 AM when i left the place. I realise that my fuel tank says its almost close to zero. I decide to fill it up and get the tyre pressures checked, after all its almost a 40km ride to the place one way. So i start.

I am already feeling adventurous ! I decide to push my luck and fill the tank at Bubbles' place. She lives 25km away and i was sure i would make that distance easily with the fuel i had, but after that i wasnt sure. So push i did, driving leisurely, rather cruising along pretty nicely, i reach her place at about 4:20. Man, this girl never ceases to amaze me ! She sneaks outta the house and cool-ly scales her compound wall with consummate ease and joins me. Wow ! proud of u girl. i cld never do that !

Then we start off on our little odyssey. But then i suddenly realise i'm running short of fuel soon and this wunnerful adventure of ours might end up a dampener. The petrol bunk near her place was closed :( Lazy bozos! So there we start off and then i tell her, that we might end up pushing the car :P The look on her face conveyed a million emotions ! The shock and the disgust at me were so clearly evident. Priceless :p We keep moving on while she wants to go back to the city and find a place. But i was hoping to find one on the highway. I was secretly nervous as hell, i was literally shitting in my pants but then i was supposed to keep cool in front of the lady, so i put up a bravado show. Thus we keep going with her almost falling short of getting hysterical.

Just when i thought bubbles was gonna blow her top, i find a petrol bunk. But the damned place was closed ! It was 5 in the morning, but still he didnt open up. So after some begging and pleading, and running around, the guy finally agrees and fills up petrol. I survived 42 kms on a near empty tank. Now when i think of it, i could prolly have done another 40 kms easily but i'm sure she would have murdered me before that :p.
So with one burden outta our head and after umpteen abuses and wiser about the next time, we head off towards the destination.
We reach the place at about 5:15. Its amazing. The hordes of Eucalyptus trees are mesmerizing. We follow and existing path and start trekking. Guess what! For the first time in my life, i see a flying peacock !
Amazing sight it is... We walk for about 20 mins and then she notices a rock, So now we decide its rock climbing time. Its a small one and the view from the top is amazing ! The sights and sounds of the jungle are hypnotizing. The we decide to explore the place and follow the calls of the peacocks.But alas! we were unlucky and could not find any more. But i was treated to a biology lesson about the various plants and creatures that we found. Man, a walking encyclopedia, she is! A walk in her company, and one would surely be left craving for more !

Finally its time we headed back, after our little adventure. It was the most amazing feeling ever. Now i know, when i wanna get rid of those disappointments and when i am down, these are the times I'll remember. The adventure is something i wanna do again. Best part, we were back home by 7 AM.
Not to mention the fact that, the drive was absolutely mind blowing! The roads are a dream and are very well maintained all throughout.

Waiting to do this again soon and will surely post ! Adios !

Whatta Nighta

There are times when one does realise that no matter the shit thats thrown at you, the little moments are whats its all about. The times when you realise that living is truly worth it, times when those disappointments and failures are pushed back down into the distant past and all that matters is the joy and ecstasy of the current moment.
I am proud to say that today, 22 May, 2008 is one such moment filled day which will remain etched in memory forever.I know, when i look back at the madness of the events, i will no doubt be appalled but then whats fun without a little recklessness :p

It all started on the 21st of May at about 11 PM. It was Champions League(CL) final night. What a better setting than Manchester United taking on the Chelshits in the land of the Kremlin- Moscow. Last time, United played in the CL final, i hardly understood what football was except that it was a round projectile propelled by the energy one generated from the muscles of ones lower body!
So the fact that this was my first ever CL final with my favorite club playing meant that,this was the night for my little outing too(later on this :) )
So at 11 PM i started off on a 15km long journey to a collegemate's place. I reached the place, and we United supporters were left teeth chattering as the build-up to the most important match of our United career, started.
At 00:15 IST, the match kicked off and it was United all the way. The icing on the cake was the 26th min goal by the wunderkid, Cristiano Ronaldo. We were on cloud 9. But then in the injury time, almost as the ref blew for half time, Chelshits scored :( Thus, game on it was in the 2nd half.
After another 45 mins in the second half and 30 mins in the extra time, it was penalty shootout time. It made me all the more jittery, cos never before did a team supported by me, ever win a penalty shootout. But when, VDS made that save of Anelka, we knew we reached the promised land. It was jubiliation and we were speechless. I was in wunderland with United written all over me. It was the best feeling that i have ever experienced in my short period as a United fan !
Glory Glory Man United !!!