Following the heart...

Its 5AM in the morning. I had slept for 6 hours and I cant sleep anymore.
For the first time in more than a month, I find myself a little less loaded. Nothing much to do. Can afford to relax for a day. Take it easy. But then, before I know, I'm gonna be mired up in that mess to meet deadlines and getting the right work done.

Its a crazy life out here.
I finished registering courses for the next sem. As I sit and ponder, about the courses, I wonder. Am i here just because this degree is gonna make my resume look flashier and gimme a high paying job that'd probably require me to work 20 hours a day? Is that what I really want?

I remember making lofty statements in my applications about how I wanted to do this and that, but then I realise I'm doing the complete opposite of what I wrote about in my application. I have to follow the herd in a way, because the job is important to me. I need a job here. No two minds about it, but am I really going to enjoy it?
I have no idea. But something tells me, I might not.
I wanna do stuff that I feel comfortable doing but then there is this strong fear of not being able to land a job. Thats a strong driving factor in my choice of courses for the next semester.

I wanna follow the heart but the mind is a pretty strong influence too. I'm probably being ruled by the mind at the moment, but then am I gonna end up regretting my choice? I have no idea. Probably the idea is about finding the right balance. The first semester here is an eye opener. It did show me, how bad I am at stuff that I thought I was good at. I realise I have to unlearn stuff and start from scratch. That is the toughest part. Unlearning is very difficult. There is always a little left that is going to trouble you.
I hope at the end of this sem, which is 3 weeks away, I would be able to unlearn and relearn it all.

Waiting to complete this semester. Waiting to get back home.
Waiting for a lot of things.

As I write this, I just received a mail from I dunno who, supposedly an old classmate who I dont remember at all. He's planning on applying and is asking for suggestions. What do I tell him ? Come here and get lost in the multitude of dreamy eyed students, or come down here and make your own mark. How do I tell him that?
I'm not even sure, if I should be replying to his mail. I dont even know if I'm worthy of making suggestions to him. Do I ignore the mail? I dont know what to do. I'm lost.

Follow the heart, not the mind...