Big SIR

Well I had been thinking of this post for a long time and even now, I can't decide what to write.
I always thought I must write some sort of a post on Big sir (a.k.a Mr. T.V.R. Murthy). I don't know what I want to write but I know that the man had a profound in my life.

I spent 13 years at his school and my memories of him r still very fresh. He is unforgettable.
But the reason I wanted to write this post was because, on the Harvard community on Orkut, there were pretty derogatory remarks about him which made fun of him. I would be lying if I said that I didn't laugh on reading them. But my conscience will not allow me to rest without me portraying my true feelings about him.

I vividly remember the first time I actually encountered him. It was in my Lower kindergarten, when some older guys (volunteers) asked me to step out for the morning assembly. I remember telling them that I won't and also cried, when one of them went and fetched Big sir. He asked me to get out and I was terrified to see him. He was so huge, and big I was scared (I still am). I remember his angry face, and I told him I wanted to pee and he said ok. I really had to pee cos he frightened me so much that day.
That day is etched in my memory and served as the foundation for the fear that has been instilled in me about him.

The next meeting that I remember, is when I was in class 1. That day I wrote my exam and was coming back to class, when I saw him standing there near the office. I wished him and to my surprise, he actually caught hold of my ears and took me to the library and told me to behave properly especially at home. Later that day, at home I realized that my mom actually complained to him about me being very naughty and disobeying her at home.

There have been many incidents when I was actually reprimanded and also sometimes caned for not behaving or for some misdoing of mine. There have also been incidents where he scolded me for no fault of mine.
Then, maybe I hated him. Maybe till class 9 I totally despised him.
I remember my school excursion to Goa where he treated me like a nobody most of the time.
Some times he was very good, explaining all about the customs and traditions of the Goans while for most times he was in that unforgiving mood of his.

But in class 9, when I was writing my annual exams, he actually gifted me a pen. I kept hold of that pen till my class 10 and when I lost it, believe me I cried.
In class 9, when he was taking us for a Harry Potter movie on occasion of his birthday, I didn't want to go so he came and shouted at me for not reciprocating his feelings towards students. In the evening, he told me that I had no option but to go the movie. Next day I went and apologized to him and he shrugged it off by saying that I acted like a typical moron and he knew that I would surely go to the movie with him. I was very happy that day.

Also another thing is that I went to quizzes only at his behest.
He was the one who really encouraged me to participate in quizzes. Whenever I lost, he was disappointed, but he always gave me one very valuable piece of advice which was to never give up. He always used to tell me, try and try again till u succeed. Those words I think have always held me in good stead.
To me that also revealed how valuable his lessons were.

One incident that could never be erased from my mind is when he hugged me when I won the Group Quiz at Harvard. He wanted me to win, but after the first round, when we were trailing, he left to his room. And to his surprise when, we won he just hugged me and that meant a whole lot to me. That was the most memorable moment of my 13 yrs. in school
Also when I wanted to participate in the TCS quiz, he actually convinced my Principal, to allow us to take part in it. I was really happy to repay his faith by coming in 4th out of 600 odd teams.

All these incidents surely make me feel nostalgic, but I can't bear to see his face since I haven't met him in 3 yrs. now. I don't know what he would say. He might actually shout at me. Well I'm ready to face that. But will he feel hurt that I haven't visited him even once in 3 yrs.
well I really want to go but my brain says no. I always thought I would only follow my heart and not my brain. But my feelings r really mixed. Maybe I will go but I'm scared that it is now too late to actually repair the broken relationship but am I distancing myself even further, I can't decide.

Whatever, I may meet him in the future or not, but I will always have a special place for him. He was the one and only person, who could change my day with one lecture of his.
Many people have told me that he actually misbehaved with them, but I want to tell them "horse shit". I know what sort of a person he was or at least I knew him much better than them. I know that he was special and the best teacher I ever had.
I don't think I would be wrong in saying that, I wouldn't be the person I am today, if it wasn't for him.

Sir, you were special and hope that u will continue to mold lives as you molded mine.
And lastly I would like to say a big Thank You for all that you have done for me.